Shades of Life
by Rhovanion
Summary: "I've never told him. I've been putting it off all through junior high and I'm not about to gush my heart out to Yama now..." // YAOI: Angsty and fluffy TAITO, bits of DAIKEN // COMPLETE...
1. My only wish...

**BIG, OMINOUS WARNING THINGIE:** This is yaoi, Taito, Daiken and a whole lot of other good stuff (regretfully no lemon yet, I'm getting there!). Don't like, don't read. Simple, ne?   
  
**OTHER NOT-SO-IMPORTANT STUFF: **Some bits of Takari, somebody almost drowning later, judicious Jun and Sora bashing (I actually like Jun, but I bash her anyway!), some I-guess-you-could-call-it-angst, Yamato idolization, Dai being *gasp* smart...  
  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** *steps out of shadows shyly* Uh… hello, um. Hi. *runs away*  
  
Heh. I've decided to stop lurking and post this damned fic (or what there is of it, anyway!). Please note: I'm taking a lot of creative liberty here. Flame me by all means if you must (for any reason except the fact that this is *gasp* a yaoi-ish fic), marshmallows taste so much better flame-grilled! I like praise (duh!), love intelligent criticism, accept having glaring plot holes brought to my attention; feel free to comment however you like! And watch out for my warped sense of humor!  
  
I'm looking at about five chapters here, and maybe an epilogue. I _will_ finish this.  
Me being a perfectionist, I'm going to find dozens of mistakes in this, so later updates might just be smoothing the edges off some stuff.   
  
**BIG, OBVIOUS DISCLAIMER THINGIE:** Not mine.  
  
  
  
_Well, in truth, there's not a whole lot that I can say about Yamato. He sings, he plays rhythm guitar, he's blonde and blue eyed, has a brother called Takeru. And a steel grip on my heart. But I'll get to that later…  
Met Yama at summer camp, had a wild and wacky adventure. We became really close friends, half-brothers really, and it stayed that way all through the ups and downs of high school. Through all the sludge of grades, girlfriends, social life, soccer, through all that I had my faithful Blondie by my side. And in that time I got to know him, it seems, better than anybody save Takeru.  
Matt… He's a pretty traumatized guy. You'd never guess it if you looked at him (which I do as often and for as long as I can!) or if you talked to him, but behind his modeled 'cool and calm' exterior is a soul that has been through the proverbial blender. His folks split when he was seven, and I think that was probably the one defining moment in his life. He taught himself, from an early age, that emotions were wicked things that drained one of sanity. Looking back, the first moment I really felt connected to him was when I first saw him crying and, as a silent sort of tribute to me, he didn't turn away. Makes me proud, because only a handful of people have seen Yama in such a state.  
Another thing that's special about him is the strange sort of relationship he has with trauma. In any situation (be it attack by blood-crazed Digimon, nuclear holocaust, Friday traffic…) he keeps his nerve and his temper and looks for all the world that he couldn't be bothered. Then, in anything from one to five days later, he breaks down from what appears to be nothing, but what actually is the released emotion that had been bottled up and accumulated for a rainy day. Sometimes, the smallest things can set him off: having the TV volume too loud or pinching one of his shirts (I really have to get my own stuff!). It's like living with a time bomb, not knowing precisely when or where, but that it definitely will, blow up in your face.   
I'm not complaining, though. It's just one of Matt's 'things'. He's a pretty decent roommate. Can cook like the best of them (you can always tell his mood by what he makes… Remind me never to touch his jalapeno stew ever again!), is a total neat freak when it comes to his stuff and does a pretty decent job of keeping me on time for any important appointments.  
But, as I said earlier, I love him. Like red roses, fluffy hearts, candlelight, all that jazz. It's not exactly clear to me where these feelings came from. Thinking back, it was probably the time when, during their first digital adventure, Matt vanished with Gabumon 'to find himself'. Those few days a blur of worry, anger and regret for all of us, but especially for me, and it amazed me how strongly I had felt the absence of my quiet blonde friend. Since then, Matt has grown out of his childish insecurities, but he's still emotionally fragile in many respects, so I don't want to spring anything untoward on him.   
I've never told him. I've been putting it off since junior high and I'm not about to gush my heart out to him now. Not without extensive planning, at least.  
I don't know why I've found it so hard to share my feelings. Probably some deep-rooted subconscious fear of being rejected, a shrink would say. I dunno. But if I can't have his love for sure, I'd rather have half a friendship instead of risking pushing him away from me forever.  
That's the Crest of Courage for ya…   
_ **_ Kamiya Taichi_  
**  
_   
Tai is one of a kind. I'd never met somebody who could be happy without pause, every second of every day, living like all the worries of the world slid from his shoulders like greasy rain. I don't understand it and, frankly, I don't believe that I would want to live like that. Maybe it's because my life has been shaped by misfortune that I'm so sensitive to it. But enough about me.  
Fuzzhead is really smarter than he makes out to be. Maybe not in the traditional, 'Izzy-type' sense of the word, but he can read almost everybody like an open book, which is why, at the beginning of it all, I took such a strong aversion to him. I hate people knowing what's going on within me. And he knew, that much was plain. It occurred to me some years on in our friendship that no matter how I'd hide my inner turmoil, Taichi wasn't just some brainless hero-worshipper: the first time that I let him see me cry was the defining point in our friendship. I realized that, around him, I didn't have to be perfect, or strong, or brave. I could be my sensitive, emotion-receptive self, and I truly wanted to share my turmoil with him. It was a relief.  
There are really only a few things that Tai believes are worthy of him to waste his precious time on: soccer, television, friends and food. Surprisingly, and not least worryingly (for me, at least), he's never had any sort of girl-crazy stage. Sure there were dates to the prom, and Sora (thank God that's over!). For the type of Casanova that he could have been, that's saying a lot. Anyway, he's brilliant at his chosen sport, and never has these 'I'm not good enough' moods that constantly plague me. Some people have been overdosed with luck... I would bet generous amounts of money that Tai didn't have a single problem in his life. Any takers?  
I'm not actually sure about the state of our relationship. What I mean is, he's closer than a friend, something like a half-brother, but I can't help feeling that there's more to it than just brotherly love. I'm no expert, though, so don't take my word for it; and if Taichi has noticed, he hasn't said anything, which probably means that he's oblivious to it. Figures...  
At least I know I'd never do anything to hurt him, and that he'll always have my shoulder to cry on. That's all that the bearer of Friendship has to offer, and I sincerely hope that's enough.   
_ _** Ishida Yamato **_  
  
  
Matt stood in front of the door to his shared apartment, feeling somewhat stupid.   
  
No, strike that. Very stupid.  
  
It was locked. Now, normally this wouldn't have phased him: he would have, like any sane person, produced a set of appropriate keys and efficiently removed the seals on the barricade. But today, Matt didn't have his keys. _And,_ he thought with ironic ire, _I know exactly who to blame for that…_  
  
"Bastard promised he would be home by now!" the eighteen-year-old grumbled sullenly, setting down his guitar case and satchel. Taichi, with whom he shared the humble abode, had sworn over and over again that morning that he would be home hours before the end of Matt's jam session and why should the blonde take a pair of keys when the door would be open anyway?  
  
"Because I should have known by now not to depend on you!" he answered the silent question, addressing the wooden paneling of the door, sighed, and slid to the cold, hard cement paving. The chilly winter breeze that fanned his face through the open terrace before him did little to improve his mood as he pulled the sleeves of his thin polo neck further down his arms to cover his freezing hands. He should have expected this. When Taichi got anywhere within a hundred meter radius of soccer practice, all thoughts of appointments and schedules flew out of his mind. Resigning himself to what could potentially be a long way, he rifled through the pile of letters that he had retrieved a moment earlier, trying vainly to keep as much flesh covered by the meager protection that the thin black cotton offered.  
  
"Junk mail, junk mail, speeding ticket for Tai (why the hell was he driving my car again?), junk mail, fan mail, letter from TK, electricity bill." That was all. Setting aside the adverts and bills, he tore open TK's letter eagerly.  
  
  
_Heya Big Bro!_  
  
_ How's life going? I'm having such a blast up here: we're having actual snow! James and I were fooling around in it yesterday, it was amazing! We made these really massive snowmen before the other guys came over and ploughed into them. We had snowball fights and everything! The Duncans have been the greatest hosts, so I'm really lucky. School's a bit tough, though, being all in English after all, but I'm allowed to take Japanese as an extra language so I'm top of the class!_  
  
Matt smiled in spite of his foul mood. Winters in Odaiba were gray and miserable, made even more unbearable by the absence of snow. The temperature hovered around zero degrees, cold enough to make everybody grumpy but never low enough to accommodate even minimal frost, much less actual snow.   
  
_Anyway, to the important stuff: Would it be okay for me to come visit you guys next month? We're having winter break in mid January and since I've got a job here that pays in pounds I have more than enough for the flight over. I know mom will be away, but maybe I can stay at your apartment? Just a thought. _  
  
Yamato's eyes brightened slightly on reading this piece of information. Takeru would stay with them, he'd make sure of it!  
  
_How's good ol' Taichi doing? Kari wrote something about him splitting with Sora, is it true? I hope not, because Tai would be heartbroken and moochy and I know how you hate that! Kari's been writing a lot lately and I miss her bunches, almost as much as I miss you (no sarcasm intended!). It was always cool having this mega older brother watching over your shoulder and keeping you out of trouble, but I guess I never really appreciated it until now. You were really great, especially during all those hard Digi-years. Don't think I ever told you that._  
  
A momentary surge of regret, inadequacy and frustration washed over the blonde as he recalled his first days in the Digital World, when whatever he had done proved a wrong choice, when he had been separated from his helpless, innocent brother more than once. But it passed over his quickly, and he felt the old regrets ease now that he knew how TK had seen his efforts. Yamato's radiant smile returned.  
  
_Enough sap. I'm on the basketball team here, and these guys are GOOD! Nothing like the Odaiba league. This is serious stuff. Coach has us practicing nearly every day, even in the rain (which comes down hard and heavy here!). We're second in the standings! Our next game is this Thursday, indoor 'cause of the snow, against the as-yet-unbeaten log leaders. Coach had us going at overdrive! _  
  
_ Other news. There's a girl here that's been looking at me in that funny way that girls do when they…you know, have a crush on you… _  
  
  
"Hehe, even when writing letters, Teeks sounds nervous about attention from girls!"  
  
  
_…She's okay, blond and blue-eyed, and she's gorgeous (hey, reminds me of you!)… _  
  
Ahem.  
  
_…but she's no Kari. What should I do? I don't want to hurt her feelings, and you were always the master of letting those zany fangirls down gently. Need help! By the way, people here have actually heard of the Wolves! You guys are in CD stores and everything. Don't blush, Matt, you ARE good, even if you won't admit it to anyone else, admit it to yourself. _  
  
"You know I hate it when you're right, Teeks!"  
  
_Didn't you always dream of being famous? Just like you dreamt of walking on the moon. Little brothers are very perceptive at picking out those kinds of things. _  
  
"Shouldn't have expected anything less…"  
  
_ But anyway, how is it going? Any special girls (or boys, you never know!)…   
_   
AHEM!  
  
_…in your life that I should know about? Hope mom, dad and Tai are treating you alright! Got any gigs lined up? _  
  
_Got to go eat now! I'll write again soon!_  
_ Lots of love (feeling mushy today!)_  
_ TK. _  
  
Matt sighed as he read over the neatly printed words. Takeru had gotten a scholarship at a prestigious British school and had been sent over for two years. Already, six months in, the older blonde missed his unquenchable younger sibling terribly. But it cheered him to know that TK was happy and achieving great things. Loving his brother meant having to let him go.  
  
Yamato neatly folded the letter and slid it into his pocket for safekeeping. Sighing, he picked up the fan letter, sealed in a heart-bedecked pink envelope. The handwriting was, to his eternal annoyance, all too familiar. Jun Motomiya.   
  
_Hey sweetie!_  
  
_ How are you doing? Great gig on Friday, loved your outfit! You looked so dreamy up there! I'd love to know what it's like being on stage with lights and a crowd and such (maybe you can call me up next time, it would be, like, totally amazing!). I hope my angel isn't being pushed around by his annoying roommate too much! If you are, I'm considering moving out to get away from goggle-head Dai, so maybe we could get a place together! That would be great for our relationship!_  
  
_ Anyway, ta ta and see you soon, my little blonde angel!_  
_ Lots of love,_  
_ Jun Motomiya (soon to be Ishida) _  
_ XXX_  
  
  
Matt wasn't sure if he should laugh, cry or change his identity and flee to a foreign country. He settled on the first option. Jun had been a plague on his life ever since that day that he had dropped Daisuke off at home after a late-night Digiworld adventure and had happened to collide into her on the way down. Starstruck, she still hounded him like an annoying rash. How many years had it been, and she still wasn't tired of her game even after numerous, scathing rejections by Yamato. Just went to show that hell hath no fury like a girl with a crush.  
  
The sound of running feet down the passageway alerted Matt to the presence of another person approaching. Glancing towards the sound, he was chagrined, if relieved, to identify the familiar mop of disheveled hair, and its owner.  
  
"Kamiya Taichi!" he admonished sternly, rising to his feet and retrieving both guitar case and satchel. The other boy looked abashed.   
  
"Sorry, Yama-chan!"   
  
"So, what's today's excuse?"  
  
"Got tied down at practice again. Did you have to wait long?"  
  
"Nah, don't worry about it." The blonde laughed, brushing his errant bangs from his eyes. "Had just enough time to read my fanmail!"  
  
Taichi, hunting for his keys in the depths of his sports bag, glanced up with the air of a sympathetic, supporting friend. "Jun again? I swear, all this hero-worship is going to get to your head one day!" He aimed a casual kick at the unyielding door and it sprang open to reveal their quarters, small but adequate. Matt detoured past his room to drop his things before heading to the kitchen, where he knew the eternally-famished Kamiya boy would be, rummaging through the fridge. Rubbing his arms in an effort to restore their warmth, he had the usual, inevitable question thrown in his direction.  
  
"What's for supper?"  
  
Matt blew onto his frigid hands and perched atop the kitchen counter. "Nothing really, but I'm sure I could scrounge up enough for a veggie lasagna." It was an accepted fact that Matt was responsible for anything that involved breakables, high temperatures, and any machinery more complicated than the television remote control. That especially meant cooking. Taichi pulled his head out of the fridge and made a face, summing up what he though of the suggestion in two words.   
  
"Rabbit food." Yamato was a vegetarian, and for all that he was excellent at food preparation, Tai wished that he would occasionally relent and make something (as he called it) carnivorous. "Let's order out. That way I an have something that isn't green and humanitarian," he joked, earning himself a sour look from the already disapproving blonde.  
  
"Whatever, but if you're going to, I'll just make myself a salad."  
  
"You can't live on grass, you know!" Taichi rolled his eyes good-naturedly, pulling out a grape cola from the icebox. For all that he joked and bantered with Matt, he couldn't suppress the flutter in his stomach whenever the other boy gave him a condescending look, or when he played, eyes closed, in front of thousands under the glaring stage lights, or when he sprawled on the couch deep into his lyric-writing.   
  
Or when he shivered, almost silently begging to be held. Where Taichi was almost oblivious to the cold, he knew that his friend felt it actuely. Every winter for the past seven years, Tai had yearned to encase the blonde in a warming hug, to hold him close and shield his slender frame from the elements, and this year was no different. The restraint that he managed to muster had strengthened over time, so that now he was barely conscious of the decision not to pounce on Yamato.  
  
_But today..._   
  
As he cracked the soda open, he couldn't help but notice how shiny Yamato's hair looked under the soft kitchen lights, nor how his long legs hung encased in jeans that hid nothing of their slenderness. The brown-haired boy sighed inwardly as he gaze lingered upon the forbidden treasure that was his best friend. Kamiya Taichi couldn't help it. He was in love.  
  
All that Taichi felt for this beautiful boy had been almost too strong for him to contain, yet the mere thought of destroying their friendship or causing Yamato any kind of agony restrained him from blurting out his feelings. He was almost certain that Matt would never reciprocate his feelings, but be too kind-hearted to just turn him down on the spot. _But what if…_ He realised belatedly that the blonde was speaking.  
  
"Tai!" Matt's loud yell shook his head free of his self-spun daydream cobwebs.   
  
"Sorry. Spaced out there."   
  
It was Matt's turn to roll his ice-blue eyes. "I asked what you were going to have." _Tai has bee so flaky lately, even more than usual, if that's possible. I wonder what's wrong. _  
  
"Eh, whatever. Lasagna sounds fine, if you're making."   
  
"You sure? I don't mind if you want to get a burger or something."   
  
Tai nodded and slipped from the kitchen, feeling that if he remained in the presence of the radiant boy any longer something undesired would happen. _What's up with me today? I've never felt quite like that before…_  
  
Taichi sauntered into the living room, a cozy place with a faux fireplace and thick cream curtains. Random pieces of clothing were scattered about; his, because Yamato never left a mess behind him. Just as he had arrived at the unpleasant decision to clean up, the sound of knocking followed by Matt's "I'll get it!" reached his ears. Deciding that the visitor most probably wasn't for him, the brown-haired boy picked up a pair of jeans and began folding it.   
  
Meanwhile, Yamato strode to the door and unlocked it, absently pushing his golden bangs from his face again. The sight that greeted him was surprising: Daisuke stood there, goggles and all, red-eyed and sniffing as he pulled his forearm across his face. Almost on instinct, Matt glanced around for any traces of the boy's maniacal sister, but he was alone.   
  
"Hey, Dai, come in. What's the matter?"   
  
The red-head slopped in almost dripping depression, which was so unlike his usual state that Matt grew concerned. "Eh, I'm an idiot, that's what's wrong. Is Tai here?"   
  
Matt indicated the direction in which he had last seen his roommate go. "Somewhere over there. Hey, you wanna stay for supper? Maybe that'll cheer you up a bit."   
  
At this mention of food, Daisuke's cinnamon eyes cleared slightly. "You cooking?"   
  
"Yeah."   
  
"Then sure! Thanks," he added as he began questing for Taichi. His search was ended quickly when he saw his mentor, "Cleaning up? It's a miracle!" he pronounced before flopping down next to the pile of partially sorted items of clothing, disturbing their precarious pile. Almost instantly, the young boy's kicked puppy look returned.   
  
Abandoning his seemingly fruitless pursuit of cleaning, Tai turned to his younger counterpart with concern. "What's up, Dais?"   
  
"I'm such an ass."   
  
"I'm with you so far."   
  
He was on the receiving end of a disapproving glare. "Hey, it's partly your fault, you know!" Then Daisuke sighed again. "Sorry. Guess I'm just unlucky in love…"  
  
"Oh, was there trouble? But I thought Ken… Hold on, tell me the whole story." He made himself as comfortable as the sagging couch allowed. Davis took a deep, hesitant breath.   
  
"During break we were playing out on the pitch and I went up to him and said, 'Hey Ken, wanna catch a movie or something?', just like you told me to. He gave me the strangest look, said that he was busy and practically ran in the opposite direction. Then, during science (we're lab partners by the way), he hardly said a word which, granted isn't all that unusual for Ken, but he was avoiding me and… blushing." Himself crimson with embarrassment, Daisuke's head sank into his hands. "Gah, first prize for idiocy goes to… Motomiya Daisuke!"   
  
Tai would have laughed if it weren't for his friend's depressed state. He patted Dai's shoulder sympathetically. "Just sounds like he's shy, Dais-chan! Give him a few days and ask again. Guaranteed Kamiya dating tactics! Remember, if you don't tell him how you feel, you'll never know if those feelings are returned."   
  
Daisuke frowned at the implications of that. "But…but what if it ruins our friendship? He's never had any real friends, and I don't wanna chase him away."   
  
"Well, you won't be able to be much of a friend if you spend the whole time silently mooning over him, right? Trust me, the best thing you can do is get it out in the open. He's a smart kid, remember. I'm sure he's figured out that you like him already."   
  
Daisuke nodded along with this advice. "Sounds right to me. But… Hold it! How can you give advice that you don't even use yourself?"   
  
"Eh?"   
  
"I'm not as stupid as I act, Taichi! And neither are you. But you're very unsubtle." Davis indicated the kitchen door. "There's some stuff that you should 'get out in the open', too, you know!"   
  
The Kamiya boy gave him a condescending look. "That's different." _He doesn't know what goes on between Matt and me. _  
  
"Is it really? He's your best friend. He has to know!" Daisuke argued, marvelling at how quickly their roles had reversed. "He's going to find out sooner or later, if not from you then from TK, or Sora, or whoever lets it slip. Wouldn't it be better if you told him?"  
  
Taichi frowned. _I know that Dais is right! But after, how long has it been? Seven years? There's just too much riding on his rejection. Our friendship, our trust... He's going to hate me, if for nothing else, then for the fact that I've kept this a secret for so long..._   
  
"Dais, it's..." he began, but could not continue due to the arrival of a third party into the room. Daisuke couldn't help noticing Taichi's cheeks flushing.   
  
Matt looked around the room and wrinkled his nose. "What a pigsty!" Aside from the clothes, the table was bedecked with whatever Tai had had for breakfast that morning, and there were some of his music sheaves lying scattered on the floor.   
  
"Hey! I was trying to clean up!" Tai said, offended.   
  
Matt leaned against the doorpost, folded his arms and raised an arching eyebrow. "Pigs aren't flying yet," he stated simply. Daisuke, who had been in the background, stared at Yamato's innocent posture and chiseled face with awe. Now he could truly appreciate how beautiful the blonde was. Not cute, not handsome. Beautiful. There seemed no other fitting adjective. "Anyway, the food's ready. I invited Dai to stay over," he informed Taichi and swept from the room. It was the younger boy's turn to pat Tai on the back.   
  
"You've got your work cut out for you," he said sympathetically.   
  
  
  
**Questions, comments, anything? Email me at sweet_dream24@yahoo.co.uk or leave a review (hint, hint) ~_^**  
  



	2. ...is for my dreams...

**BIG, OMINOUS WARNING THINGIE:** This is yaoi, Taito, Daiken, and a whole lot of other good stuff (regretfully no lemon!). Don't like, don't read. Simple, ne?   
  
**Author's Note:** The plot is going to become evident soon. YAY! Angst will start in the next chapter... Somehow, this chapter seems very rushed to me. Ah well.  
  
**BIG, OBVIOUS DISCLAIMER THINGIE:** Not mine.  
  
**~*~Shades of Life: Chapter II~*~**   
Through his toughened exterior, it was impossible to tell what Yamato was feeling if you didn't know where to look. Even though the blonde boy was more emotional and was more sensitive than most people that Tai had known, he was very careful to guard his feelings. Years of life in the spotlight had taught him that.  
  
But Tai was proficient in reading the blonde's emotions. Matt's frozen eyes, which were truly the windows to his chaotic soul, always seemed to be concealing something in their mysterious depths. But when the boy was angered the depth vanished, if he worried the icy eyes frosted over, and in sadness they melted into puddles of swimming blue. And that was what was worrying Taichi, distracting him from his surroundings: the morning had seen Yamato's stunning eyes darkened, depressed almost to the point of tears. It had been crystal clear to the Kamiya boy.   
  
_ But why? Yama would tell me if something was wrong. I didn't forget his birthday or anything, did I? No, that's next week… Maybe something with TK. But Matt would have told me! This is confusing! It must be some kind of secret. But…_  
  
"Taichi! Watch out!"   
  
Tai turned his head to the call. That proved a bad move as his vision filled with marbled black and white, and a deceptively hard sphere slammed into his exposed cheek. A moment later he found himself knocked to the ground with a stinging pain spreading through his temple. Taichi groaned.  
  
"That's what I get for not paying attention during a soccer game!" he mumbled sourly, getting back on his feet and waving off the profuse apologies from one of his teammates. It was Thursday and, like on Mondays, he had soccer practice with his under-19 squad after varsity classes. Frowning at himself for his attention lapse, and with new resolve, he focused on his play and began weaving in and out of the defenders, making certain that he was open if a pass should happen to come his way, but warily keeping back enough not to be caught offside. The lofty kick of his teammates was aimed over the heads of the defence and, seeing that he was nearest in proximity to it, Taichi chased after it and managed to rescue the ball before it crossed the out line. Then he spun, outran the remaining back players and came up to the goalkeeper. It was one on one.  
  
But in that second the wild-haired boy happened to glance up. What he saw caused him to stumble over his own feet in surprise and almost lose the ball. Hurriedly he tried to correct his pace, but he was moving to quickly and he knew that the desperate shot he took would come nowhere near the back of the net even before it left his foot. As the sphere sailed away, the coach blew his whistle twice, signalling the conclusion of the practice match. The players crowded past him, and Ruuki nudged him knowingly.  
  
"It's not often that Kamiya Taichi misses a shot," he whispered before walking off. Tai groaned. _Am I really that transparent? _  
  
Yamato was standing there, just beside the bleachers. His black jeans pooled around his sneakered feet, and the sleeves of his straight-cut shirt here folded to just below his elbows. His hair was glowing and the depth had return to his frosted eyes. _All that's missing is a pair of wings, and he'd be an angel…_ Taichi paused long enough to banish the sappy thoughts that were attempting to elope with his attention again. Instead, he called, "This is a surprise! Did the band ditch you?"  
  
Matt shifted his guitar case, settling it into a more comfortable position on his shoulder. "Sort of. I though that, since I was going home now anyway, I'd wait for you. Hope that's okay?"  
  
"Sure!" Tai grabbed his bottle of sports drink and chugged it down. Winking maliciously, he quipped, "We hardly ever have the chance for a romantic walk home together anymore, don't we?" _What I wouldn't give..._   
  
Matt shrugged good-naturedly. "Whatever you say," he laughed, but the sound seemed almost forced. "Ready to go?"  
  
"Ready." They walked the familiar rout in silence past the campus and were nearing the old, rusty gates of Odaiba park when, "Tai, I just…"; "Listen, Matt…" Surprised, both boys cut off, Tai shifting his gaze to the sidewalk and Matt's cheeks tinting a light red.   
  
"Go ahead," Taichi offered.  
  
"Uh, Takeru wants to come and stay with us. Is that okay?" _That's not what you were going to say, Yama, and you know it! _Yamato blinked with surprise at the thought. _What's wrong with me? This is _Taichi,_ after all!_  
  
Taichi blinked too. For somebody who looked as worked up as Yamato did, he had been expecting a landslide. What he got was a pebble. "Sure he can stay. You didn't have to ask." The blonde didn't spare him a glance as he hitched up his guitar case and kept walking. Tai frowned. "What's wrong, Yama?"  
  
For the briefest of seconds, Matt turned his face so that he could catch a glimpse of his friend through the strands of gold that covered his eyes. Then, turning away, he pointedly changed the subject. "What were you going to say?"  
  
The brown-haired boy sighed inwardly, knowing that if Yamato was in one of his 'moods', it would be impossible to force him to reveal whatever was bothering him; through bribe, threat, or otherwise. _If it's important, he'll tell me sooner or later,_ he assured himself. Instead of commenting further on Matt's tactless behaviour, he smacked his forehead in an exaggerated manner. "I clean forgot!"_ That's a lie, Kamiya, and you know it!_  
  
"How typical." They walked in silence for a few moments.  
  
"You won't believe…"; "I was talking to Dai who…"  
  
Both boys burst into embarrassed laughter. Yamato collected his wits quickly. "You'd better go first this time. I don't want you risking forgetting something important again!"  
  
Tai couldn't force the crimson from his cheeks. Why were they so uncomfortable today, of all days? What had changed them so much since yesterday, a mere twenty-four hours ago? "Dai came over to practice today and said that Ken was almost being his usual self again."  
  
Yamato narrowed his eyes in confusion. "Why shouldn't he have been?"  
  
Tai gulped suddenly, realizing his error. Matt didn't know Daisuke's 'secret', and he wasn't sure if it was his place to inform him. "Oh, he was just… Sick and stuff…"  
  
"Anything to do with Dai coming in tear-streaked yesterday?" the blonde ventured. Then, quietly, he added, "You don't have to tell me."  
  
That made Taichi feel guilty. He had brought up the subject in the first place, and he didn't want to make Yamato feel as though a secret was being kept between them. "No, I guess I can tell you. Dai, well, Dai has a crush on Ken." _But what about the other secret that you're keeping from him?_  
  
Yamato, surprisingly, smiled in a gentle, knowing way. "I though so."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Well, your conspiring yesterday made me almost certain." _That's twice that you've bent the truth in five minutes! _he admonished silently. _ Why the hell are you a nervous wreck anyway? You must have misunderstood what you overheard..._  
  
Yamato gulped as his mind narrowed in on the source of his discomposure. He hadn't meant to hear what had been said the day before, really he hadn't, but once the words became clear, the topic had enraptured him...   
_  
"There's some stuff that you should 'get out in the open', too, you know!"   
"That's different."   
"Is it really? He's your best friend. He has to know ... He's going to find out sooner or later, if not from you then from TK, or Sora, or whoever lets it slip. Wouldn't it be better if you told him?"_  
  
For no definite reason, this had nagged Yamato no end. Why was Taichi hiding an obviously important secret from him? Was Taichi in love with somebody of whom he thought Yamato would not approve? The blonde felt...betrayed, almost. And heartbroken. _I wish he would just _tell _me! Why is he trying to protect me from the truth? Does he know that I...   
  
_He left the question hanging.  
  
~*~  
  
15:32  
  
"I hate crowds."  
  
Odaiba Central train station was not the best place to be on a Saturday afternoon. Yamato, feeling like a helpless being amidst a whirlwind of chaotic, shoving bodies, wondered how on earth he was meant to find _anybody _ in the roiling crowd of commuters. The announcer prattled off some announcement, but it went unheard on account of the din caused by what must have been a thousand people. The blonde didn't know if he was even on the correct platform. He was awaiting the arrival of Takeru, who had flown over from London a few hours ago and was supposed to have taken a train from Tokyo International Airport. _Shouldn't he be here by now? _  
  
"Matt! Matt, over here!"  
  
Yamato spun around, unable to identify the location, much less the voice, of whoever had called him. Lifting onto his toes, he glanced over the heads of the crowd to see Taichi's larger-than-life mop of hair bobbing up and down as he wove with little success in his direction. Taking a steeling breath, he plunged into the sea of bodies. A minute later, with their combined efforts, the two boys found each other and managed to flee to a calm alcove. Tai wiped his brow theatrically.  
  
"Remind me again why I decided to come along on this crazy trip?" he asked, grinning as he shoved some popcorn into his mouth. Matt cringed.  
  
"Good question." He glanced back at the crowd. "Even if Teeks is there somewhere, we won't find him." At this Taichi shrugged.   
  
"I don't want to say I told you so, but I told you so!" He laughingly shielded himself from Yamato's shove. The blonde scowled and looked even more unsettled in his current environment than a moment before. _Yama hates crowds. I would too if I was as popular as he was._  
  
"This is so frustrating! Maybe we should just get..." Yamato's question was interrupted by the ringing of his cellphone. He arched an eyebrow: he hadn't been expecting a call.   
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Matt? It's TK... Listen, my train's been delayed..." The rest of his sentence was drowned out by static. Matt gripped the device more tightly.  
  
"What? Say that again!"  
  
"...Be there at five..." The crackling became more intense.  
  
"At five?" Matt yelled.   
  
"Yeah, bye!" The ring tone filled his ear.  
  
Yamato groaned out loud, slipping the phone into his pocket and letting himself fall back against a wall, defeated. Taichi gave him a questioning glance.  
  
"Teeks is going to be late," he explained, slapping his forehead. "Damn you for being right, Taichi!"   
  
~*~  
  
"Hey, you meant well," Taichi assured his friend. He was sitting opposite Yamato in a small cafe, where they had retreated to wait for Takeru. It would have been pointless to make the twenty minute drive home, so they decided to take some rare free time together to catch up.  
  
"Dais has been over the moon ever since his 'date' with Ken," Taichi said through his delighted grin. "I told him Kamiya dating tactics were flawless!"  
  
"Really?" Matt asked with exaggerated skepticism, running a finger along the rim of his empty chocochino mug. "And what exactly did this 'date'? entail"  
  
Tai looked proud. "Four and a half hours of non-stop playstation." Yamato laughed.  
  
"How romantic!" His contemplative gaze settled on a couple that were paying their bill, cuddling and laughing. "Think you'll ever fall in love?" he asked quietly, almost to himself. The question surprised himself as well as Taichi, and Matt pulled a face. Tai laughed.  
  
"I don't think so. I mean, it's not a question of falling, it's a matter of _being _in love."  
  
"Well then, are you?" Yamato's gaze had taken a sharp, intense edge which frightened something deep inside the brown-eyed boy's subconscious. Yama looked almost predatory...  
  
He settled on the safest answer that he could come up with. "That would be telling!"   
  
"Fine then," Matt sniffed, "Keep your petty secrets. But the fact that you aren't denying it isn't working in your favour, Kamiya!" He grinned, and his voice took on a teasing tone, "Taichi has a crush!"  
  
"Why you," Taichi mock-threatened. "If we weren't in a public place..."  
  
Yamato leaned back, chuckling. As he brushed his ever-present bangs out of his face, he caught a glance at the wall-mounted clock. His face paled. "Shit, Tai, it's after five already! We have to pick up my brother!"  
  
Taichi nodded, relieved at this change of topic. "Time flies when you're having fun!" He had had a hard time believing his luck, that he had spent nearly two hours being able to devote his uninterrupted attention to his gentle blonde friend. "My treat," he added, digging around in his pockets for anything of value.  
  
"Sounds like a plan. Except, last time I checked, you were broke..."  
  
Taichi smiled back sheepishly. "Will ya give me a loan?"   
  
Matt couldn't help but grin. "It's always the same with you, Tai! But," suddenly his mood shifted he became quiet, appearing uncertain. "Promise me something."  
  
Taichi nodded instantly. Something about Yamato's sudden solemnity augured an announcement.  
  
The blue-eyed boy blushed slightly. "Don't change. Don't ever change. Promise me you'll always be my same old, dependable Taichi. No matter what secrets and stuff get in the way..." he added at a whisper. Taichi frowned.  
  
"What's going on, Matt? What secrets?" Involuntarily, he gulped, fearing that somehow Yamato had gotten wind of his subterfuge. He stared into the blue eyes, looking for any hints of anger or sadness, anything to inform him about the blonde's emotional status. But Matt carefully kept his eyes impassive, something that he rarely did anymore in Taichi's presence.  
  
"I don't know, are there any?" Matt asked candidly. The other boy shrugged nonchalantly.  
  
"Not that I know of." _What, am I supposed to just _tell _him?_  
  
Yamato nodded. In a flash he pressed a few notes into Taichi's hand, grabbed his bag and raced for the exit. Before he was quite out of earshot, he called, "TK's going to kill me for being late!" He raced down the now empty passageways and vanished from Taichi's sight around a corner.   
  
The brown eyed boy shook his head half disapprovingly, his smile ruining the appearance of irritation. "It's always the same with you, Yamato!"   
_  
_  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. ...to come true...

**BIG, OMINOUS WARNING THINGIE:** This is yaoi, Taito, Daiken, and a whole lot of other good stuff (regretfully no lemon!). Don't like, don't read. Simple, ne?   
  
**Author's Note:** Cody is evil. Why can't anyone else see this?  
  
I apologize in advance for the shortness and general crappiness of this chapter, but it had to be done for later events to make sense. I'll revise it. Maybe. :P  
  
**BIG, OBVIOUS DISCLAIMER THINGIE:** Not mine.  
  
  
  
  
"Even with this new configuration, the reflex angle still isn't tangential to the pi radius..."  
  
"E sharp... No, F and then... What do you think?"  
  
"I think geometry is against me!"  
  
Ishida Yamato glanced up, perplexed at the answer that he received. It took only a moment for him to realize that he had been in his own world. As his mind left the haze of concentration, he felt the dewy grass beneath him and the bumpy, scratchy bark of a tree irritating his back. Nearby, on a makeshift court, Takeru was nailing Daisuke and Taichi in an uneven game of basketball. They were being watched by Kari and Miyako, both of whom were luxuriously reclining on a blanket as they chatted about this and that.  
  
Matt shifted his guitar and twisted to locate the source of whoever had addressed him earlier to find himself staring into two slightly irate indigo eyes. Ken was frowning. "I must be missing something. Geometry isnt supposed to be confusing!" he muttered, tossing his notebook to the blonde.  
  
To his credit, Matt had never been bad in mathematics, having passed his exams with more than respectable scores. But when he glanced at the hurried, and occasionally scratched out, calculations, his eyes swam. It looked like something only a NASA scientist would be able to interpret. On a good day.  
  
"Um, Ken? Are you doing extra credit or something?" he asked, stalling as he tried to pick out something, _anything_, that looked even vaguely familiar.  
  
"No," was all the answer that he got from the quiet boy. Yamato shrugged, but was saved from any further response by the shadow that loomed suddenly over them. A shadow with distinctly massive hair...  
  
"He's killing us!" Taichi complained between the huge breaths that he took. TK was, very literally, running circles around his opposition, which was now reduced to a bedraggled Daisuke. He laughed as he basketed another shot. In mock anger, the cinnamon-haired boy stomped away to where the other boys were gathered. Matt, who now was aware of the relationship between the crazy Motomiya (_Or one of them, at least!)_ and the black-haired prodigy, watched with candid interest the nuances in their behaviour that he would have otherwise dismissed; Ken's eyes had visibly cleared and the notebook in Yamato's hand was forgotten.  
  
Taichi patted Daisuke's back consolingly. "Hey, we tried!" His gaze shifted to the two seated boys. "No thanks to them."  
  
Matt flicked his fingers over the taut strings of his guitar with nonchalance. "We were working," he rebutted.  
  
Tai flopped down between them, ignoring their protests, and lifted the discarded notebook with distaste. "Don't you _ever_ have fun, Ichijoji?" he commented. The glance that Ken shot at Daisuke was not lost on any of the assembled.  
  
"Sometimes." His cheeks flushed, and Dai looked suddenly smug.  
  
Tai turned to Matt. "And you?" he added with a peculiar note of bitterness in his voice that was so unexpected that Yamato could make neither head nor tail of it, "Don't you spend enough time with your band under normal circumstances?"  
  
Matt narrowed his blue eyes suspiciously. _Does Tai sound... jealous? __ Sure, I spend a lot of my time at home writing lyrics and sorting out mundane things like schedules__, but he's never said anything about that before. He knows that I love doing it. And besides, Tai doesn't get_ _jealous. Does he?_  
  
His long silence had made the others uncomfortable. Daisuke, unusually perceptive of the sudden rise of tension, grabbed Ken's hand and hauled him to his feet. "Come on, let's go teach that Takaishi a lesson!" The black-haired boy didn't get a chance to protest as he was forcibly dragged away.  
  
Silently thanking them, Yamato turned a serious glance Taichi's way. "What's all this about, Kamiya?"   
  
Taichi, obliquely avoiding Matt's gaze, muttered, "What's what about?"  
  
"Don't give me that," the blonde retaliated swiftly. "I'm not going to spell it out for you. Why shouldn't I spend time with the Wolves?"  
  
For the most fleeting of seconds, the other boy considered spilling his guts, telling Yama the truth about how, according to his notions, the blonde should spend his time. With him.   
  
But that allusion passed with a resignation that Taichi had become accustomed to. He wouldn't tell Yama, not now nor in the near future. _Not ever, the way this is going... _"It's just... You've been working hard lately and I'm worried about you getting stressed and stuff."  
  
_You don't fool me, Kamiya! You're the worst liar that I know._ Yamato considered momentarily pushing Tai to reveal the true reason for his abnormal behaviour, but decided that if Taichi had forced himself to lie to his best friend, he must have had a good reason to. Instead, he said, "I haven't been doing that much more than usual, but thanks for the concern." _Why must there be all these secrets between us?_  
  
Taichi felt torn up inside for his dishonesty. Yamato clearly believed him, and why shouldn't he? Friends didn't keep secrets. "That's good," Taichi responded, more to fill the silence than anything else. "Let's go see what the others are doing!" He pasted a smile on his face, one that he hoped would be a token of reassurance for the blonde.  
  
Yamato sighed as he followed his rapidly departing roommate. _What's wrong, Taichi? Why can't you tell me?_  
  
~*~   
Early evening had cast its cool darkness on the park when the combined Digidestined thought to return home. Packing was done in amicable silence, left mostly to Kari and Matt as the others stood to stretch their stiffened muscles.  
  
"We should get together more often," Ken commented in his quiet, unobtrusive way, shooting a glance at Daisuke. _  
  
He's been doing that a lot lately_, Kari mused as she nodded in agreement. "Today was perfect."   
  
Yamato though how unfitting the comment was in comparison to his personal turmoil. He recalled, for what seemed the hundredth time, the hesitant conversation he had had with Taichi earlier. It was as though something within him wouldn't allow him to forget, putting a damper on what would otherwise have been, as Kari had so eloquently stated, a perfect day among friends. _And I've hardly had any time with Teeks. When he arrived yesterday he was dead on his feet, and today he spent all his time with the others. Gone are the days when he was so dependant on me, I guess. The_ last though came with some hesitant difficulty, but Matt had resigned himself to the fact that his little brother was growing up, doing his own things. _ What I wouldn't give to be back in the Digiworld all those years ago, when the whole gang was still around, and TK still looked up to me, and Taichi wasn't such a confusing friend... _Yamato sighed. _Why do my thoughts always come back to this?_  
  
The problem was that Matt didn't know exactly what he was mulling over. Even though Tai had ungracefully stumbled through the conversation, he was with certainty untroubled by whatever had made him uncomfortable earlier. Yamato couldn't help doubting that Taichi would be able to pull a facade complicated enough to appear how he was now, teasing and joking with the others.   
  
From somewhere in the back of his mind, and inkling of a thought arose. _ Maybe it's something to do with that cryptic chat he had with Dais the other day. _Almost immediately, all optimism ebbed out of the blonde. _No matter who he's in love with, Tai should know that I'll understand. Hell, even if it's Takeru! Not that I'd _approve_,__ but I _ would_ understand... _  
  
~*~  
  
Across the grassy expanse, Taichi sighed almost mournfully. Watching Daisuke, his counterpart in both Digi-Destiny and personality, frolicking with the quiet, insecure Ken, who was not unlike a certain blonde rock star, was not helping soothe his churning emotions. Neither was the sight of a young blue-eyed, blonde boy that had grown into his skin over six months and now resembled his older brother acutely. _Stop drawing parallels, Kamiya!  
  
_He had been so close to finally breaking his cautious silence! But, as he had been doing for the past seven years, he'd made some private justification not to blurt out the words that stuck in his throat like uncomfortable lumps. _Yamato clearly wasn't ready today. _Silence seemed like the lesser of two evils. It always had. Deep inside, the boy knew he would one day regret not informing his best friend of his feelings, but as long as it wasn't 'today', he didn't care. Adding to that the fact that Taichi didn't know what he would do when faced with, to him, an almost certain rejection, and one had the motive for withholding the secret. With a finalizing shake of his head, he shifted from this dismal track of thought to one barely more cheerful.   
  
To Tai's chagrin, Yamato's good mood had drained from him almost wholly after 'that' conversation. For what reason, he didn't know. _The way he's sulking, it's almost as though he knows I'm keeping a secret. But how would he? Daisuke wouldn't tell, and the others don't know Besides, if he knew, he'd make sure I spilled my guts to him, right?._ A pause, then, _Stop confusing yourself, Taichi!   
  
~*~_  
  
A few minutes later the packing was finished and the youths, slinging their respective bags over their shoulders, headed for Odaiba bridge, which they would have to cross to return home. The weather had shifted from crisply sunny to freezing as dusk descended. Matt, shrugging on his jacket, couldn't help but shiver as the icy wind bit into his skin. The others seemed unfazed as they heatedly discussed what they should do for the evening.  
  
"But renting a film is cheaper!" Takeru was protesting loudly as he stepped out onto the cobbled bridge  
  
Kari frowned gently at him. "You've been away for half a year! The least we could do is spend some money on a decent cinema!"  
  
"Or supper! I'm getting hungry..." That was Daisuke.  
  
"How touching, Dais," TK muttered to his friend, only to earn himself the sight of Daisuke's tongue. "That's a nice idea and all, Kari," he continued, "But I'm tired and I'd really just like to go home and watch some videos. We can make popcorn and..."  
  
"Popcorn?" the leader of the younger Digidestined interjected sceptically. "If I don't have some _proper _food just now I'll waste away to nothing!" He pointed to the right. "We can get some take-out."  
  
Takeru halted on the left half of the bridge and crossed his arms. "I say we go home." Then, with a glimmer in his eyes, added, "We can persuade Matt to whip something up."  
  
The older boy looked down on his brother with a laugh. "No can do. Taichi," and here Matt pointedly poked Tai's upper arm, "Officially ate anything that was even passingly edible yesterday."  
  
"You see?" Daisuke grabbed one of Takeru's arms and began playfully nudging him to the right. The nudge became a firm pull, however, when the blonde boy stood his ground.   
  
"Come on, TS!" he grunted. "We're going... this way!" His final words were punctuated by a sharp tug, but the grip he had held on the slender arm failed as fabric ripped. Takeru, losing the force that had balanced him, stumbled backwards against the low cement wall that formed a barrier between the surface of the bridge and the drop to the frigid waters below. By some cruel twist of fate, the slippery ground offered no purchase for his stumbling feet, the hand that he extended to steady his backward motion misjudged its target and hit nothing more than thin air. Already unbalanced and having trusted his weight to the errant hand, Takeru Takaishi teetered for an uncertain moment on the brink before slowly, painfully losing his attachment to dry land. With a terrified shriek, he plunged head-first into the rapidly swirling icy waters below.   
  
"TK!" Kari screamed in horror, racing to where he had fallen, followed closely by Ken and Miyako. Daisuke looked ashen as the torn material fell from his stunned hand.  
  
Tai's horrified glance settled for a mere moment of Yamato. The blonde's cool blue eyes were the picture of composure, something that Taichi had despised ever since the first time that he had seen them in that state. _How can he be so damned calm? Stop it, Yama! Don't scare me! Don't..._ before he could even finish the thought, he watched in paralysed horror as Ishida Yamato, after doing what seemed like precisely two seconds of accurate mental calculation, sprang over the inadequate barrier and executed a neat jump into the frigid river.  
  
_Oh god! Yama... oh dear god! _Tai gaped, unable to gasp out the cry of disbelief that ricocheted around in his skull. Throwing himself at the barrier, his initial terror turned to horrified nausea as the water below him became tainted with diluted crimson.   
  
  
  



	4. ...tonight...

**BIG, OMINOUS WARNING THINGIE:** This is yaoi, Taito, Daiken and a whole lot of other good stuff (regretfully no lemon!). Don't like, don't read. Simple, ne?   
  
**OTHER NOT-SO-IMPORTANT STUFF: **Some bits of Takari, somebody almost drowning later, judicious Jun and Sora bashing (I actually like Jun, but I bash her anyway!), some I-guess-you-could-call-it-angst, Yamato idolization...  
  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Help me! I had what I thought was a really good ending planned for this story, but half way through writing it, it just seemed so corny. And now I can't decide if I should make the ending angsty for Tai, angsty for Yama, or warm and fluffy... Let me know your preference if you review! I'm going to have to decide soon because I have other stories I want to write and this one keeps nagging me. Heck, maybe I should just make three endings... O.o  
  
I redid some of this chapter because I wasn't very happy with it. I don't think the changes are very noticeable though...  
  
By the way, I've decided to start doing request fics again! If you're interested, click on my name in the top left-hand corner of the screen to find out more!   
  
**BIG, OBVIOUS DISCLAIMER THINGIE:** Not mine.  
  
  
  
As the all-consuming water rushed over his head, Ishida Yamato noted, with a vague sense of irony, how peaceful the liquid environment was. Unlike the harsh, unfinished world of air, the river was silent and smooth and complete, all at once soothing and caressing against his skin. For a second, Matt wavered between action and simple surrender to the agreeable mass that rubbed against him from every side like a purring cat. It seemed more than willing to accept him into its arms, judging by the push from above as both gravity and mass sought to imprison him. Yet when he had all but willingly surrendered, a memory like a fragment from a hazy dream prickled his mind.  
  
_Takeru…_  
  
Instantly Yamato's mind was clear and the task at hand returned to his immediate memory. Suddenly, the placid watery world became filled with a hidden strength and menace that was almost tangible, and did not allow itself to be ignored. The tranquil oneness that he had just a moment ago relished replaced itself with an equally seductive, churning nightmare. He failed to block the onset of panic.   
  
_Strange, _some detached part of him mused,_ you don't get unnerved in these kinds of situation, Yamato. _  
  
At that Matt hesitated, knowing with a foreshadowing certainty that something was wrong… No! If he was going to be any help to Takeru he had to keep his attention on the situation, Matt decided, and forced his eyes open against the icy stinging of the water, aligning himself downwards. With a strong, decisive kick, he propelled himself towards the river's bed, knowing without a doubt that he would find his brother there.  
  
_Takeru can't swim…  
_  
The hazy murk obscured his vision but, undeterred, the blonde boy continued his descent with arms outstretched, relying on touch rather than sight to guide him. An eternity later his one of his hands hit silty mud and the other, something vaguely smooth and a few degrees warmer than the frigid waters. Through sheer luck, he had found Takeru.   
  
The surge of elated adrenaline stung his veins in a desperate attempt to energize his body as Yamato clasped his brother's hand and gave him a sharp jerk. His grateful relief turned to sour dread when the weight remained static. In what little light was afforded him, Matt barely had the chance to identify the rush of blood as it swept from Takeru's body and engulfed him in its sickly sweetness, no doubt set free by the pull he had, in his haste, irresponsibly made. Forcing down his revulsion, he allowed his numbed hand to travel down Takeru's arm to identify what had snagged him. His fingers grazed sharp, rusted iron and, sickeningly, what must have been bone. This time the waves of disgust came so strongly that Yamato had to pause and consciously settle his stomach.  
  
Almost as an afterthought, he realized that the burning in his lungs was attributed to a shortness of air. Suddenly desperate, engulfed now by fear for not only his brother's life, Yamato braced himself and heaved again, having made the hurried decision that aggravating TK's injury was preferable to letting him drown. His brother's body came free in his hand, but the gash on the young boy's arm was spilling an unnatural amount of blood with reckless abandon. Through some trick or eddy in the current, the crimson mass swirled about them.  
  
It seemed to Yamato as though all his insides screamed and burned in a raging flame. Wishing with fervor only to breathe, crying helpless tears, Yamato pulled TK's inert form firmly against his own and with legs that felt like dead weights tried to propel them to the surface.  
  
They didn't budge. The heavy black silt seemed almost to be grabbing at Yamato's ankles, anchoring him firmly to the river bed. With renewed distress and terror he attempted to ascend again, straining every fiber in his body, the second attempt as fruitless as its predecessor had been.   
  
Suddenly made conscious of the water around him, he sensed how, from every side, the endless navy-blue mass pressed at him, intent on squeezing the life force from his strained, frozen body. Mocking him for his inadeptness. Oxygen starvation kicked into his limbs in that moment and they hung, limp, in the river's current. Finally, when the instinct for air overrode his willpower not to gasp and he felt the muddy water slip into his lungs, he could only muster a final thought.   
  
_Takeru! Takeru, this is all my fault… You're dead and it's my fault! Look how miserably I failed to protect you… My innocent young brother... And I'm dead too…   
  
TK... Freedom… Air… Pain… Death...   
  
Taichi._..  
  
Darkness.  
  
~*~  
  
Gasping for air, Matt sprang up only to find that, instead of the suffocating weight of water, he was surrounded by the familiar half-darkness of his room. A street lamp cast its oblivious glow across one wall, lightening what would otherwise have been total blackness.  
  
_It was just a dream…just another nightmare._  
  
Yamato tried to catch shallow, gasping breaths. He felt his expressive eyes overflow with tears for what seemed like the millionth time that night, their saltiness mixing with the rivulets of sweat that ran down his temples. Relieved and anguished all at once to discover that the haunting images had been nothing more than the replay of subconscious memories, Yamato pulled his blankets tightly against his shivering, clammy body. They provided little comfort.  
  
_I nearly lost him. I nearly lost my little brother._  
  
He needed rest, total respite both physically and mentally. But the nightmares… Cruel, overwhelming swirls of energy-draining darkness that did not allow him peaceful sleep or forgetfulness.   
  
_Lying, taunting… And so vivid._  
  
He forced himself to remember that the nightmares that were plaguing him showed only a fragmented distortion of true events. Takeru was alive, battered but unbroken. Knowing that it was necessary for maintaining sanity, he dredged up from his subconscious the true recollection of that fateful day.  
  
_What, only four days ago? Have I really spent only four days in this numb haze? Four? I can't believe that… It must have been a year at least. _  
  
In his mind's eye he saw the blood spilling from the gash in Takeru's arm but, unlike in the dream, the true TK's slender body had been virtually weightless, buoyed by the water. Yamato remembered their frantic ascent to the surface, the glorious moment when they had finally broken the surface. He cherished that triumph.   
  
What other memories of the day remained with him were smudged by the flurry of activity that had followed. Everything that occurred after he had broken the river's surface with the inert body of his brother in his arms felt like the remnants of an unfocused dream. How he had managed to compel his frozen limbs to struggle against the current to reach the bank remained a mystery to him, and having his load lightened by the paramedics, _goodness knows how they got there_, had somehow drained his willpower and caused him to collapse to the muddy ground. Then, he recalled how everybody started pushing and pulling at him, shaking him violently amidst pleas that he stay awake. But he had been so tired… His last conscious memory had been a muddle of detached amazement and confusion at the terror-stricken faces of Miyako and Taichi that had suddenly appeared above him. At some point in his wondering if something was actually wrong with him, and that being scared didn't suit Taichi, he had passed out.  
  
Returning to the conscious world had been little short of disastrous. He had been forced to spend the night in hospital, receiving treatment for mild hypothermia and countless trivial cuts and bruises. The nurses that had flitted about his room, after finally conceding the information that Takeru was in a less than favorable condition and was being monitored in the ICU, had made it clear that he was not to leave. He was, for all intents and purposes, chained him to the nauseating hospital bed. He had pleaded, begged to see TK. The doctors, he had maintained with conviction, were keeping some ghastly secret from him. A kindly nurse had told him just to rest and that he was being delusional.  
  
_Delusional? Of course I was! I still am… _  
  
But worse than that, worse than even not being able to see his brother, was Daisuke. The red-head had accused himself guilty as charged with no parole, mumbling and unending stream of heartfelt apologies as he stood just inside the room. Keeping as far from me as possible, as though I would lash out at him or something. Then, when the requests for forgiveness had started getting out of control, Matt, feeling sick enough as it was, had snapped at him either to shut up or leave. Dai had chosen the former, but his relentless, guilt-stricken gaze bored into Yamato until Ken gently yet pointedly convinced the younger boy to go home.  
  
From that moment, Yamato had been alone. Solitude was worse. Matt had realized that, without a second party in the area, he had been left with no other alternative than to speculate about what had happened, something that he would rather not have done. The confusing, flashing images that were etched in his mind formed a disfigured picture of the event and none seemed to fit or carry on from another. Feeling as though the filing cabinet in his mind had been emptied onto the floor and muddled around for good measure, he grappled desperately through the mire for some memory that didn't involve pain or darkness or fear.  
  
_Taichi._  
  
That had been his final thought before losing consciousness. The nightmares had at least gotten that aspect correct. During seven years, Tai had seen him at his worst and at what passed for his best, his pain, his confusion. Taichi understood Yamato's desire to be the best brother that Takeru could have, especially after that messy divorce. Crazy, rash, goggle-headed Tai was his closest and most trusted friend.  
  
On an impulse that he could hardly understand, much less control, Yamato slid from between his sheets and crossed the floor to the door of his room. Stepping out into the passageway, he retraced with unsteady legs the route to Taichi's room. He had made a decision.  
  
_I don't want to be alone anymore._  
  
~*~  
  
_I nearly lost him. I nearly lost my Yamato._  
  
The inconceivable had nearly happened, Taichi realized, and because of his stupid vow of silence, he had almost lost his most precious friend without him knowing how deeply his affections actually ran. Slamming his hand against the wall adjacent to his bed, he wondered how he could have lived with himself if Yamato hadn't made it, hadn't known the truth...  
  
Thinking back somewhat unwillingly to the day, he came to the conclusion that what had actually happened and what his agonized mind had conjured up probably weren't quite the same events. The blood had been sickeningly real enough, but it hadn't been, as he had feared, Yamato's. The boys had been under for a long time, but not the unlikely eternity Taichi had imagined as he had stood gazing with helpless yearning at the unbroken river. Torn between diving recklessly after one of the most important people in his life and staying with Kari, one of the few who could merit even being considered next to Yamato, he had run down the bank and into the water until it swirled icily around his knees. Indecision, responsibility, fear had held him back from going any further.  
  
Those moments, those mind-numbing, endless seconds filled with dread, disgust, regret, hope, denial, among a myriad of other emotions that he hadn't been able to identify or recall, had been among the worst in his life. It had hit him, hard, that he might never be able to utter the three simple words that had governed nearly half of his life to the one person who he wanted to hear them the most.  
  
_I love you, Yamato._  
  
He had sworn then and there that, if by some chance everything turned out alright, he wouldn't waste a second proclaiming his true love at the first chance he got, not taking heed of any of the wide range of possible responses that he might get. With each passing moment standing on the river's edge, each second that slipped by the desire to utter those words had become stronger, until he had almost called them out mournfully.  
  
But then Yamato had resurfaced and the pledge had slipped from his immediate thoughts as he had struggled to help the paramedics resuscitate Takeru. He hadn't seen Yamato collapse, and only when Miyako's shriek for help had reached him did he look up. Blue-tinged, soaked, bedraggled, so unlike the normally aloof Yamato that Taichi had been horrified. Before he had gotten the chance to utter a word, though, the blonde had slipped into a coma, one that lasted for several hours after their arrival at the hospital. Afterwards, neither he nor Yamato's parents had been allowed access to either of their sons. Taichi had fretted about that: knowing Matt, that last thing the sensitive boy needed was isolation.  
  
The next day had brought good tidings. Takeru had stabilized and, after a brief scare that the antibodies in his arteries would reject the donated blood that had been pumped into him, was sleeping his trauma off. Matt, withdrawn and ordered to take it easy, had been discharged.   
  
Taichi had briefly considered fulfilling his oath then, but had with almost instant conviction decided against it. Yamato looked like he could barely walk, barely hear, hardly even care what was said to him. The reunion with his parents had been a tearful affair. The night before, Tai had shot down the proposition by both father and mother that their older son should stay with either of them, arguing convincingly that Matt would feel more at ease in his customary surroundings.   
  
_What a lie. Matt looks like he's in the middle of a shark-infested ocean here. He's been holed up in his room for ages, but I don't want to disturb him. I mean, after all, he went through some major stuff. But I've been waiting for what, four days? The air feels kind of tense, and I know Yama's going to explode soon. And it's going to be messy!  
_  
He was unprepared to see the handle of his door shifting, and Taichi sat up with a start when the portal swung open. In the darkness he could make out what must have been Yamato, swaying dangerously on legs that were too thin. He leapt up, ignoring the cold that hit him, and rushed over to Matt's side.  
  
"Tai!" the blonde managed to whisper. Up close, the bearer of courage could see that his friend was far, far too pale.  
  
"Yama? What's wrong?"  
  
"I- I don't want to be alone. Can… Can I stay here with you tonight?"  
  
Taichi's heart leapt into his throat. But Yamato obviously didn't have any ulterior motives, judging by the unnerving fact that, even in the frugal light, Yamato's eyes looked frozen and shallow. Yamato's fuse had run out and that which Taichi had feared most was materializing. Instead of degenerating into a loud and violent cacophony of shouting to relieve the bottled-up pain, something far worse, and more psychologically damaging, was happening.  
  
_Yama's emotions are collapsing in on him._  
  
The silent implosions had occurred very rarely in Taichi's memory. Twice, to be precise. He didn't have any idea how to handle them.  
  
_I should have been expecting something like this._  
  
"Of course," Taichi answered, somewhat belatedly. Covering for his discomfort, he added, "but I'm not going to stand here all night. Come lie down."   
  
Yamato nodded and allowed himself to be escorted to the disheveled bed. Feeling slightly ridiculous, he slid in next to his friend, pillowing his head on his bent arm. Feeling Tai's gentle warmth and lulled by the arm that still held him in the embrace, he slipped into sweet oblivion.  
  
~*~  
  
Tai stayed up for nearly an hour, just gazing at Yamato.   
  
The sight of Matt's relaxed features mesmerized him like never before. The dammed emotion inside him, which had began spilling out at first just as a miniscule trickle had over the minutes eroded a hole in Tai's emotional cage to gush out in foaming channels, as they were doing now. He reached a hesitant hand placed it on Yamato's far shoulder, tilting the frail body towards him tenderly.  
  
_God, he's so beautiful. I get overwhelmed just being so near him. I love you, Yama. God knows I love you._  
  
Gently, his trembling hand caressed the sleeping Matt's cheek and, not daring even to breathe, Taichi leaned forward and grazed his lips over Yamato's. Adrenaline swelled through his veins, daring him to increase the contact. Taichi obliged.  
  
Somehow, this secret contact made him feel strangely guilty, as though stealing pleasures from an oblivious Yamato was a crime in the highest degree. But, oddly, it felt safe as well. A scapegoat of sorts for his excuses to keep his silence, a step in the right direction…  
  
Yamato's eyes shot open. Terrified, he sprang up and used what little force he had in his arms to push the weight off him. Groggily, he was faced with the startled, intense brown eyes of Tai.  
  
_Oh god…_  
  
The goggle boy looked on the verge of tears.   
  
_No… no… It isn't supposed to happen like this…  
_  
"God, Yama, I'm so sorry! But, it's just…" He sucked air deep into his lungs, preparing for the final plunge. It was now or never. There would never be a second, better opportunity. His eyes fell to the hands in his lap that were violently wringing the bedsheets. "Yamato, there's no easy was to say this… I- I've thought about this for ages and… I've just got to tell you the truth…" He choked the words out over his tears, losing control over his emotions. "I've been in love for seven years, Yamato, ever since that very first day in the digital world. Somehow I knew instantly that it was love at first sight, I knew it with every fiber in my body. But I was so scared, and I couldn't tell anyone. Not until now. Please forgive me for lying to you, my best friend, for so long, Yama. I didn't want to betray your trust, really I didn't. And I never thought to hurt you. Believe me, please, if you still can. Believe this, Yama. I… I've been in love for seven years. With… with you."  
  
Terrified, Taichi glanced up and prepared him for the assault of scathing reprimands that he was sure were coming. But Yamato's eyes were clearer than they had been in days. The same clarity that had fogged them at the time of Takeru's accident, the one that Taichi despised with every shred of his honest soul…   
  
_God, not this! Don't let him shut down on me…_  
  
Yamato stood with an air of nonchalance, spun on his heel and marched from the room cloaked in deathly silence, completely detached, as though no bomb had just been dropped on his head. Distraught, blinded by unheeded tears, Taichi heard the front door click gently to.  
  
"Don't leave me like this, Ishida Yamato," he cried softly to the empty blackness. Rejection would have been painful to bear, a scar on his soul that he was certain never would have healed.   
  
But the silent retreat was worse. So much worse.   
  
~*~  
  
Hehe, I've done it again!  
  



	5. ...with you.

**Disclaimer: **Same as ever. Who actually expects us poor, underappreciated authors to own ANYTHING, much less a multi-billion dollar copyright? Feh, I thought so.  
  
**Warnings: **Happy little slash pairing, aka Taichi and Yamato _finally _getting together. Also MAJOR fluff and some I-guess-you-could-call-it-angst.  
**  
Author's Note:** Bet you thought you'd never hear from me again, huh? Well, here it is, dodgy ending and all! ~_^ I'll probably write an epilogue. Sequel, anybody?  
  
Ishida Yamato strolled along, and with head bowed and hands shoved deep into his pockets he looked like nothing more than the usual pedestrian, shielding himself from the nagging winter. But it was not so. Oblivious to the icy breeze, the brilliance of the countless lights that constituted Odaiba City, even the roiling and churning mountains of cloud above him, he did not deviate from the blind, heedless course that he had unconsciously set. It could have been two, maybe three in the morning. Perhaps a day, a week, a season of indifference had passed over him. The sapphire eyes could have been focused on the tarred road that passed below him; yet they stared unseeingly into nothingness. His being was cold, both in body and in frost-covered spirit.  
  
His outward detachment did not belie the frenzy of emotions that crashed on the rocks of his conscience, though. Everything from hate, depression, loneliness, regret and a myriad of others that he did not even have an adequate description for assailed him. Relentlessly eroding his resistant self control…  
  
Everything had become starkly clear. In those timeless, spaceless hours of walking, even the minutest of details had slipped into place with the mechanics of an intricate puzzle. The anonymous conversation with Daisuke weeks ago, when Yamato, to his chagrin, recalled feeling betrayed and oddly anxious. The gazes that lingered but a second longer than strictly necessary. Taichi's stubborn loyalty even through the deepest mires of psychological agony and social strain. Seven years of constant, unacknowledged support, of silence… As Yamato stepped off the pavement and onto a grassy verge, he wondered how his closest friend had managed to keep such a monumental secret from him for such an infinite duration of time. With the clarity came a sense of distrust, and with that came fury.  
  
The voice of anger that spoke loudest at first, drowning out better judgment, amplified the part of him that felt betrayed by his best friend. Hadn't Taichi been able to see that he was in desperate need of solace? What had driven Tai to completely ignore, or miss, Yamato's jagged emotions? It was a stupid, rash act, one that was so befitting of Taichi, to stun Matt in the very moment that he should have been comforting him. He kicked out at a piece of litter sourly, feeling somehow satisfied as it sailed down the sidewalk, clanking noisily. By being furious at his best friend, Yamato had justified his departure to the less rational side of his mind, the aspect of him that would stubbornly refuse to ever accept blame for any deed of his.   
  
The comfort that he gleaned from the anger was empowering, if short-lived. After a moment's musings, he realized the unfairness of the conclusion and shifted the gear of his feelings into one that hit closer to their source. A jumbled mess of guilt, fury, oblivion and resignation melded into the self-hatred that began to snap viciously at the heels of his rage against Taichi. Loathing himself was both the most damaging, and what he felt was the most deserved, of his conflicted sentiments. Being angry at himself came easily. Yamato, who had blamed himself for the majority of mishaps in his life, everything from failing a literature test three years ago to his parents' divorce, had no trouble finding some small, defining moment of the entire situation that shifted the guilt to himself. He was simply too frightened, he gathered, and too self-centered to even consider the well-being of the other party involved. Pathetic. Who was he to demand support from Taichi when the other boy clearly needed it as much, if not more so, than he did.   
  
This negativity had been the leading contributor to his dark, shocked stillness. It was almost as though he was punishing himself for his cowardice. An external punishment that slowly morphed into inner pity. That particular sentiment gnawed at him for an eternity, dulling the inner rage. It was the feeling that he was most familiar with, and Matt had clung to it in a frantic effort to ground his fleeting mind. Feeling sorry for himself had eased the pain of what he had come to believe was his own mistake. He didn't deserve another fiasco in his life, didn't want one. Was it really his fault that Taichi had uttered that impromptu comment? Yes, he decided, it was. He should never have gone to Tai's room in the first place, and he cursed whatever had possessed him to. And even if it was his fault, it did not make the situation any more justified to him.  
  
_God, Tai… Why today? Why like this?_  
  
Perhaps under different circumstances, at another time and in some other place, Yamato might have been able to restrain himself from sinking into psychological meltdown. Every thought, each feeling had arisen from, and concluded with, that singular question. The blonde didn't understand why his inner turmoil had evolved to such an extent, nor why he seemed so externally paralyzed. Yamato would have cried, had his body allowed him that simple reprieve. But he could no less shed tears than move the ocean. His entire being seemed locked into the stalemate that arose from the shock of hearing Taichi utter those three words.  
  
_Taichi loves me._  
  
Denial. The very words seemed foreign to his mind. Either far too good to believe or impossibly blasphemous, Matt could not decide which.   
  
_I've never been in love! How should I be expected to handle this now? God, I don't want to lose my best friend… my Taichi… to this damned misunderstanding! My best friend…_  
  
That thought struck Yamato as misplaced. The relationship he had with Tai was undeniably stronger than the bond of simple friendship. The amicability he shared with Koushiro, Joe, Sora, even with Daisuke and the other younger kids was in no degree comparable to the one with Kamiya Taichi. Searching his mind, the closest bond he could match was the boundless love he held for his own brother, Takeru. It was as though Matt and Tai were brothers. And yet, it was not so…  
  
_Could it be?_  
  
Yamato wanted nothing more than to trust in the sincerity of Taichi's words. But he could not. He just couldn't, imagining the countless other secrets that Taichi might have locked within himself. As far as Yamato was concerned, what trust there was between them had dissolved, and that which could not maintain faith with him was dangerous ground, thin ice. Life had taught him that particular lesson in a myriad of harmful ways over the years. Secrets were malevolence itself. They had exerted more than their fair share of hurt onto him.  
  
But even with this drilled-in belief, Yamato could not let go of the glimmer of hope that was Taichi's omnipresence in his mind. Friends forever had been the promise, that one snowy night in the Digital World years ago. Matt felt his throat constrict at the thought. He had kept his end of the bargain. But Taichi?  
  
The two conflicting sides of his indecision merged suddenly and unexpectedly into the marbled picture of a lifeless Takeru wearing Tai's endlessly brown, pain-stricken, guilt-stricken eyes. Matt gasped with recognition as the now-familiar wave of churning confused feelings swept over his head. Not unlike the icy waters of Odaiba River all those days ago, yet the emotional ocean did not hold even a flicker of comfort. Hate mingled freely with love, black with white, life with death and despair. Unable to move, to cry out, Yamato stood as though rooted to the very earth and resigned himself to the heedless course of his emotions as they battered around his shredded and tattered soul. But inwardly he cried out for help. Screamed for reprieve. Prayed for mercy…  
  
Suddenly, a resilient, quenchless light flickered just beyond his inner peripheral vision. It seemed almost immune to the torrent of emotion that was slowly drowning him, providing a safe harbour if Yamato would just turn to face it. The blonde, overcome by psychological fatigue and fear, forced himself to ignore this singular beacon of hope that he did not deem himself worthy of, trying to conjure comforting images of Takeru and being provided only with crimson-tinged, waterlogged, brown-eyed ones. Even when the tearing of his soul became clearly audible, the shattering of glass in his skull, he stalwartly refused to accept the unconditional aid of the persistent light.  
  
Then, when Yamato felt himself pass what he imagined as the point of no return, the faintest touch of ice stirred the nape of his neck. Jarred from his thoughts by the unidentified saviour, the blonde's sapphire eyes sprang open and he spun to meet the source of the disturbance, face carefully neutral and detached. But the sight that greeted him melted all pretence from his features, and Yamato found himself gaping.  
  
The silent, semi-lit suburban street was devoid of people. But the trees, the houses and even the ground shimmered with a translucent layer of silver as sparse snowflakes, each perfect and unique, drifted from the heavens.  
  
"It's snowing," Yamato whispered, extending a lithe hand to catch one of the heavenly treasures. Its frozen bite proved the reality of its presence, and even though snow was rare or nonforthcoming during the Odaiba winter, on that frosty night in January it fell around the waif-like form of a golden-haired boy. Both comforting him and bringing salty tears to his eyes. Subconsciously, his mind recalled the one previous occasion when he had uttered that statement.  
  
_"It's snowing," Yamato observed from the secluded cave somewhere in the frigid mountains of File Island. The crackle of fire behind him mingled with the whistling wind just beyond the mouth of the hovel that led to feral, untamed wilderness. But inside, he was safe for a while from the dangers of the world.  
  
"It's just snow. Not like we haven't seen enough of the bloody stuff already," a voice, Taichi's, remarked sourly as he laboured over the blaze, trying with little success to get the soaking wood to burn. "If we're lucky, we'll just freeze to death in our sleep or something."   
  
"Yes, I know it's just snow," the blonde remarked with strained patience, "but this is the first time it's actually snowing,. Come have a look, it's stunning."  
  
"Stunning? More like bloody damned annoying if you ask me." But Taichi stood nevertheless and strolled to Yamato's side, glancing out of the rocky opening. The world looked like a sculpted paradise, soft and impenetrable hard all at once. Where the sun caught a surface at the right angle, it sent its golden rays to create a spectacle of colour. Other than the occasional protruding branch of dark green, the entire expanse was silvery white. The goggle-wearing boy sighed defeatedly. "Yeah, so you're right. Happy now?"  
  
Yamato elbowed his companion mock-angrily. "Hey, Taichi?" he asked with a note of excitement in his voice. "Let's make a vow! Every time that we see real snow we have to remember that… what? That we were in this stupid place?" He shook his head. "That doesn't seem right. Got any ideas?" When he received no response for an extended moment, Yamato glanced over at Taichi, who was staring with glazed eyes into the snow-covered distance. "Tai?"  
  
"Best friends forever," the boy answered barely above a whisper. Yamato nodded.  
  
"Best friends forever."  
_  
The memory of those times, those innocent days of discovery and pure companionability neutralized all of the hatred and self-pity in Yamato's being, leaving the quieter, deeper emotions to find their steady way to the surface.  
  
In that second of oneness, Matt remembered Taichi as he had always known him. The open, friendly, helpful, lighthearted boy that meant more to him than anyone, even his own beloved Takeru. Times when he did not feel even a smudge of remorse for him. Confusion, despair, solitude, darkness melted from his soul like the snowflake in his hand.  
  
Now he was afforded with real clarity. Honest faith in his friend, gentle concern for Taichi's sadness and guilt, warm belief that Tai had not meant him trauma of any kind. His true feeling for the goggle boy came with a sudden rush of adrenaline. Realization… Acceptance… Nothing had ever felt so relieving, so right.   
  
Yamato almost slapped himself for the sheer audacity of his earlier stupidity and his stubborn blindness that refused to see below his icy surface. Everything was so plain, so painfully obvious to him now.  
  
His beacon of hope that shone on the darkest of days and that filled his thoughts even at the moment of what could have been his impending death had been none other than Kamiya Taichi. Friend, protector, confidant, even soul-brother. The matter was beyond doubt now even for the normally skeptical Yamato.  
  
_Taichi loves me_, he repeated in his thoughts, no longer attaching any of the previous negative connotations to the phrase. His eyes lifted to the heavens and the silvery snowflakes for a final time, and feeling certain above all else of the emotion that now held him in its all-encompassing, all-calming, doubtless embrace, he began to run with renewed vigour in the direction of home. Of Taichi.   
  
"And I love you too."   
  
**~*~**  
  
Taichi slumped on the couch in glum stupor, barely aware of the world above the single thought that ran laps over his brain.  
  
_You screwed up, Kamiya. Big time._  
  
He had done the precise two things that he had promised himself that he would never do: blurt out his heart to Yamato without long, copious prior planning, and cause the long-suffering blonde any kind stark emotional pain. This, he considered ruefully, he had managed to do in one fell swoop, one split second of less-than-perfect restraint. What had caused him to even consider kissing the unconscious Yamato earlier? What harebrained scheme had nestled itself in his rationale and broken down all the barriers of self-control and dignity?   
  
But Matt had looked his angelic, gorgeous self more so than ever before that night. His face, eased from the shock and terror of his heroic act four days before, had been just a miniscule fragment too alluring, the moment had seemed secretly perfect.  
  
But now whatever shreds of their friendship remained would surely not be able to cope with the massive amounts of social gymnastics that were needed to return it to its previous course. Taichi knew that he had thrown any chance of even being able to slightly connect with the blonde out of the window.   
  
_Yama will never come back. Yama will never come back. Yama will ne-_  
  
The almost timid knock on the door was so unexpected that Taichi just stared at the wooden paneling for a moment, an expression of dumbfounded surprise on his face. He convinced himself that Yamato had only returned to collect his possessions, but he hadn't been expecting him back so soon…  
  
Deciding that the sooner the inevitable confrontation was over, the more quickly he would be able to return to his muddy self-reprimanding, so he stood and made his way quietly to the portal of the apartment. _Maybe he's here to throw me out. He does pay half of the rent, after all._ With this less-than-encouraging thought he reached for the doorknob and prepared the string of apologies that he wished to utter in the hopes of retaining even the smallest fragment of their former amiability.  
  
Yamato was outside, as he had expected. But he looked neither withdrawn nor angry, just silently contemplative through his heavy breathing, and the preplanned words stuck in Taichi's mouth. To his utter disbelief, Matt's beautiful eyes were sparkling with a quality of depth.  
  
The blonde stood gazing at him for a miniature eternity before lifting his voice to proclaim a short statement. "It's snowing. Do you remember?"  
  
At that innocent phrase, Taichi felt his eyes blur with tears. _Snow… Snow on File Island. Like I could ever forget!_ "God," he managed to whisper finally. "Best friends forever, was it?"  
  
Yamato nodded serenely, and Taichi was stunned at the near normality of their exchange of words. This, he had not been expecting.  
  
"I think that we should change the vow," Matt continued, catching Taichi's eyes hesitantly, looking like a child that wished to reveal something of momentous importance but was unsure of allowance to do so. Nodding, the brown-haired boy gulped. _If Yama wants to change the vow… _  
  
But what happened next stunned the breath from Taichi's body. Never, not even in his wildest or most far-fetched dreams, had he expected that to happen.  
  
Yamato looked suddenly unsure, but in his eyes burned stubborn resolution. The words that he uttered, barely above a whisper, took more than a moment to register to Taichi's suddenly inept mind. "I want us to be more than friends."  
  
The beautiful blonde took one step forward and pressed both his lips and his body against Tai's sturdier, taller frame. Both the athletic soccer player and the talented singer felt all coherence ebb from their minds, and each was left with only one thought: each other. And in that one moment of pure connection a vow was made, one more truthful than anything that could be uttered in words. A promise of honest, unrestrained, boundless love and support. Now and forever.   
  
Outside, the snowfall continued, crying frozen tears of joy for one lost, golden-haired boy. One that had found his home at last.  
  
**~*~THE END~*~**  
  



	6. Afterwards.

**Author's Note: **Never thought you'd see the day I finally posted this? I was away on holiday and got some much-needed rest! Nothing spectacular in this... Rather than being an epilogue, it's more like an introduction to the sequel (which will get written, I already have some ideas). Hope you enjoy.  
  
**Disclaimer:** What? You're going to make me say it again? I DON'T BLOODY OWN THIS! Happy?  
  
  
  
"Checkmate!"  
  
Motomiya Daisuke grinned expansively, folding his arms proudly over his chest. Ichijouji Ken, who sat at the opposing end of the chessboard, tried unsuccessfully to hide a smile while Takaishi Takeru, reclining on his pillow-filled hospital bed, was unable to suppress his twitter of laughter. Sensing that something was amiss, Daisuke frowned at his best friends.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Dais," Ken tried to explain, "Your three remaining pieces are nowhere near my king." He indicated his host of figurines, then pointed to Daisuke's dwindling ranks. "If anything," and here he moved a bishop, "It's me who had you in checkmate."  
  
The cinnamon haired boy rolled his eyes and turned conspiringly to Takeru. "The super-computer wins again. This is so unfair! I bet he's cheating…"  
  
To the blonde's surprise, Ken lifted his hand and ran it fondly over Daisuke's cheek, effectively silencing the boy. Flushing faintly, he whispered, "You're so cute when you lose." Takeru could do nothing but gape as Daisuke stood to press a chaste kiss to Ken's meticulously styled raven hair.  
  
"You're the cute one here," he said, almost in reprimand, and bent down so that they were eye to eye. "And don't you forget it."  
  
Whatever he was about to do was interrupted by a hasty, broken throat-clearing. Jumping apart almost as though they were pulled from each other by some external source, Ken and Daisuke looked up into Takeru's crimson face. Ken smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, TK!"  
  
Takeru sat up a little straighter and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. "No offence or anything, but could you guys warn me or something next time you're going to…you know." He felt himself start rambling nervously. "It's not like I haven't got enough trouble with that amorous brother of mine! I mean, whenever he comes to visit he brings that Taichi with him and their so totally all over each other that it's like… Um." He cut off belatedly, realizing that his less-than-controlled words had revealed a secret that he had promised to keep in confidentiality. "You guys didn't hear me say that!"  
  
But Daisuke had leapt onto the bed upon hearing the garbled information and was staring intently into the blonde's widened blue eyes. "'Course we heard you! This is brilliant news!" he exclaimed with characteristic exuberance. He received puzzled glances from the other two boys.  
  
"It is?" they asked simultaneously, TK's voice sounding slightly more guarded than the inquisitive Ken.  
  
Daisuke nodded extravagantly. "Yup! They've finally stopped dancing around each other and gotten together! Taichi's been impossible whenever anyone tried to talk to him. He's been going on since the Dark Ages about 'Matt this' and 'Yama that', and more 'if only's than I can count!"  
  
Ken snorted. "That's not saying a lot…"  
  
"Quiet you! If we weren't in a public place…"  
  
"Dais!" Takeru interrupted, admonishing. "Get on with it!"  
  
"Huh? Oh… When Taichi performed the all-sacred goggle-handing-over ceremony, he told me that, since I was going to be his protégé…"  
  
"Been picking up a vocabulary lately?" Ken interjected again, grinning in a way that alluded to a hidden meaning to the words.  
  
By the blush on Daisuke's face indicated that the innuendo was not lost on him. "Ahem. As I was saying before that hentai rudely interrupted me," he resumed, laughing as Ken playfully shoved him, "Tai said that the goggles had a lot of secrets and stuff attached to them, and if he was gonna hand them over I'd better be ready for a landslide. With that kind of incentive, of course I agreed! And so he told me a bunch of junk about the other Digidestined that I'd rather not repeat… Let's just say he wasn't all to fond of Sora. At what I thought was the end, he sat back and said, 'Now, Dais-chan, we get to Yamato.'" Daisuke broke off for a moment to survey his enraptured audience. Satisfied that neither of them was asleep or trying to affect a hasty exit, he continued.   
  
"Tai went on for hours, mentioning practically every second that they spent together. There was a whole bit about snow that I didn't get. Anyway, he swore me to secrecy and said if I ever told anybody, he'd personally rip my throat out." By now, the boy was grinning widely at Ken and Takeru, showing no regard for the endangerment of his life.  
  
"How did you find out about all this? Matt didn't tell me anything!" Takeru sounded a trifle betrayed.  
  
"And you know why not? 'Cause your brother's as thick as mud when it comes to relationships!"   
  
"Hey! Who made you the conclusive authority on Yamato? I swear, Dais, as soon as I'm out of here, you're going to get your ass royally kicked!" Takeru's blue eyes narrowed menacingly, but there was no real threat in his voice.  
  
Daisuke tilted his chin up smugly. "You just try it."   
  
Takeru's rebuttal was interrupted by the appearance of a head in the doorway. Namely a head crowned with a heavy mop of unruly, gravity-defying brown hair. Taichi grinned. "I'm not barging in on anything, am I?" he asked, sounding as though he wouldn't have cared even if he was. "I just came to pick up blondie over there," he pointed at Takeru. "You're free to go," he informed, stepping fully into the room as TK punched the air with glee. He was ecstatic.   
  
"Yes! Finally! Two weeks here is more than enough, thank you very much!" He grabbed the clothes that Taichi proffered to him, leapt onto the linoleum floor and dashed to where he knew the nearest bathroom was. In the silence that ensued, Daisuke shifted from foot to foot, abnormally uncomfortable in the presence of his mentor. This did not go unnoticed.  
  
"Something wrong, Dais-chan?" Taichi demanded.  
  
The cinnamon-haired boy didn't meet his gaze. "Oh, um… Just stuff." It didn't seem like a particularly good idea to reveal the infraction he had made on his oath of silence at that moment. He was saved from further comment by the timely entry of Yamato, who was glancing between the sheets of paper in either of his hands. Seeming satisfied with whatever he was reading, he folded the pages and glanced up at the boys in the room.  
  
"Is Teeks getting ready to go? I don't want to be late for practice again."  
  
Taichi smiled at this, remembering Matt's frantic efforts at catching up with the new material that the other members of his band had produced during his convalescence. The brown-haired boy's smile widened as he recalled his pointed attempts to interrupt Yamato's studious repetitions. He had done a number of creative things to quell the blonde's attempts to perfect the same short sections of music, often repeating it over a dozen times before his perfectionist nature was satisfied. A number of very creative things…  
  
Taichi allowed his gaze to linger on the lithe body before him, not conscious of his overt display of affection. Yamato, catching onto Tai's attention, tilted his head and lifted an eyebrow, ignoring the mass of blonde hair that fell across his face. They both took a step towards each other, seemingly oblivious to the stared they received from Daisuke and Ken. The raven-haired boy clasped Dai's arm firmly.  
  
"Let's go see what's keeping Takeru," he stated in his most innocent voice, forestalling Daisuke's surprised comment and shepherding him outside. Somehow, Ken doubted that either of the older boys heard him. He propped himself against the outside wall, watching as his companion slid into a plastic waiting-room chair. They stayed in companionable silence until TK arrived, now changed into his regular attire. The young blonde gave his friends a puzzled glance.  
  
"Why're you guys waiting out here when you could…" his question was cut short as he stepped into the room that he had previously occupied, only to catch sight, quite unwillingly, of the pair that were still inside. He quickly stepped out of the doorframe to where he would not be seen from the inside. As the other two watched, Takeru managed to blush and pale simultaneously, flopping down into the chair alongside Daisuke.  
  
"So, what were they doing, eh?" the cinnamon-haired boy asked impishly, teasingly.  
  
TK cleared his throat. "Something… creative."  
  
~*~ The End ~*~   
  
**A/N: **Hehe...  



End file.
